It's not nearly as glamorous as I had imagined.
Let me start out by saying, I love my 5 week old baby girl. Overall, she is a very good baby. Doesn't really cry unless she's hungry or tired, and even then she can usually be calmed by being held and bounced. I hoped for a cuddly baby, and I got one! She loves to snuggle and has just started smiling, both of which make my heart a puddle of mush.
Becoming a mother has obviously changed my life. I was told by people while I was pregnant that my "life was about to change forever". Most times it was said with a negative vibe. I always brushed it off thinking "I know it will change, but it will be awesome!"
I don't know that I can honestly say the past 5 weeks have been awesome. When people ask me if I LOVE being a mom, I can't be 100% honest by saying YES. I love my baby. But the job of taking care of her isn't always awesome.
No amount of parenting classes or self help parenting books could have prepared me for how much my life would change. Less quality time with hubby. Lack of sleep. Loss of independence. Sore boobs (just being real!:) Messy house. Nursing frustrations . . .
Last week I had a lunch appointment with girl friends. Baby Girl decided that she did not want to take her morning nap. The only way to keep her content was to strap her in front of me in the baby carrier. Doing that enabled me throw my hair into a messy bun and brush my teeth. As I stood in front of the mirror with Baby Girl, doing a little dance to keep her happy while I brushed my teeth (I even managed to get a little tooth paste on her head), I was totally amused by the situation. THIS is the picture that you DON'T see on FB.
All that said, being a mom has fulfilled me more than I ever knew possible. For so long I worked what to me felt like a silly, meaningless job. I didn't know what I was "called" to do. And I never really thought of myself as being the stay at home mom type. But I am now a stay at home mom. And I feel fulfilled. Yes there are days of tears and frustration. Yes there are days where I don't feel like rocking her to sleep because I just want to go do my own thing. But when I remember that God has entrusted Baby Girl into our care, to train her up in the way she should go, to nurture her and show her what love is, it is in those moments that I remember my purpose. And I remember how much of an honor it is to be her mommy.
I also have to throw this out there . . . Social media is NOT realistic when it comes to many things, especially mommy life. We always post our best pictures when we and the kids are looking the best and write status updates on the good days. It is so easy to compare ourselves to others. To think "they've got it better", "I wish I was like . . ." or "I wish I had . . ." So far in the 5 weeks of being a mom, I've realized comparison is one big kill joy. My good friend has recently been a huge inspiration to me in this area. She got rid of her FB. Her reasons: it stole her time from her kids and she also found herself comparing her kids, herself and her husband to others. Wow.
This post was a bit of a ramble. But it's a start. After having heart to hearts with a few other first time mommy's, I realized how lonely the mommy walk can be. We often feel we are the only one going through something or dealing with a certain issue. Most times, we are not alone, but it is kept quiet because we don't want to seem like a bad mom. Or we simply don't know who to talk to. And that is where my blog hopefully comes in. I want to be real in my mommy walk. Not in a Debbie-Downer, this-sucks sort of way. But in a this is real life, we-can-get-through-this and you-are-not-alone sort of way.
And so the mommy blog journey begins!
And so the mommy blog journey begins!