honesty.

Here is my honesty. Please don't judge.

I get disappointed fairly easily. It's usually the little disappointments in life that get me down more than big things.

Example: Since the beginning of January I haven't been eating sugar. NO SUGAR at all. I set a goal for myself and allowed myself 3 cheats, which included a slice of Cheesecake Factory's cheesecake for V-day. I was counting down the days and so excited. We were going to go last night but due to lack of planning ahead and a long wait at the CF, we didn't go. I seriously had tears in my eyes. I was so disappointed. 

Maybe it's more than disappointment. Could it be I like things to go my way? Or that I feel a need to control things? Sometimes I get so frustrated at myself, thinking "it's not a big deal, get over it". But I feel things so deep, whether it's joy or pain, excitement or disappointment; I am a passionate person. 

And so here you have my honesty. 

excited.

ex·cite

   [ik-sahyt]  Show IPA

verb (used with object), -cit·ed, -cit·ing.

1.

to arouse or stir up the emotions or feelings of

2.

to arouse or stir up (emotions or feelings)

3.

to cause; awaken: to excite interest or curiosity.

4.

to stir to action; provoke or stir up

When I was younger, I would get so excited about life and what was going on around me that at times, I remember literally having to take deep breaths to calm myself down. It was like my heart was so full of life I could hardly contain myself. My art teacher claimed I had a touch of ADD. I think it was just a love for life! 

I thought I had outgrown this hyper-like state of excitement. But over the past couple of weeks, that heart-is-so-full feeling has been spilling out and at times, I feel I can hardly breathe! 

God has been taking me on an amazing journey.  At times, I find myself being critical and judgmental of people I don't really know (I'm just being honest here!) One of my new years goals is to LOVE people unconditionally; to see them the way that God sees them. WOW! What an amazing journey it has been in just the 1st month of this year!!! God has been revealing things to me, and as I obey Him, relationships are being mended and bridges in friendships are being strengthened (and built!). And I KNOW it's God because of how much my heart has changed. 

I feel "stirred to action; awakened". I may not be working my dream job or living what looks to be a glamorous life, but God can use me right where I'm at! It's a choice I have to make to listen to Him. And man, does He speak if we just LISTEN! 

As you can see, I'm EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!! 

Ephesians 3:20

The Message (MSG)

 ²⁰God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.